In a word, crap.

My picks against the spread for last week came the width of T.A. McLendon’s ass from going 0-4. Fortunately, N.C. State’s Head Coach Chuck Amato couldn’t call a play right on EA Sports’s NCAA Football 2003 (even with the animated Lee Corso recommendations), Ohio State’s Will Allen made the hit of his career, and N.C. State came up a half yard short in losing to Ohio State 44-38 (3OT). It’s a shame, in that it couldn’t have happened to a nicer bunch of guys (snicker).

But despite their having beaten a rival who had openly circled September 13 on their calendar last winter, Ohio State revealed in this game (and in the last one) that it has some very serious problems. The Buckeyes simply cannot run the ball, and their senior-laden offensive line is getting repeatedly manhandled. They could get by on a sputtering offense last year, but that was with a far superior defense. I sincerely doubt that OSU can reclaim even the Big Ten crown without a fundamental overhaul.

So thanks to some luck in Columbus, I avoided the shut out and went 1-3 this past week — taking my new overall record to 5-6. What the hell went wrong? Well, I can come up with three main problems with my picks.

1. I am an idiot (PITTSBURGH 42, BALL STATE 21). In spite of my having followed Pitt football long enough to know better, I picked Pitt to cover the spread against a MAC team — based on Pitt’s impressive performance against Kent State two weeks ago. But under Head Coach Walt Harris, Pitt has generally played to the level of its season-opening MAC opponents for at least a quarter or two, if not all day. I should have remembered this.

But that first half — during which Ball State pretty much had their way both on the ground and in the air against our defense — was absolutely frightening. Add Walt Harris’s scattered episodes of predictable playcalling to Defensive Coordinator Paul Rhoades’s woes, and I’m still shaking. The 9th ranked team in the country shouldn’t have trouble against Ball State, even if only for a half. I think that we’re lucky this game wasn’t televised.

Either way, both Paul Rhoades and Bob Ligashesky (our special teams coach) have a crapload of work to do before we face the likes of Virginia Tech and Miami.

2. Michigan is scary good (MICHIGAN 38, NOTRE DAME 0). This seemed like an easy pick at the time. Michigan never looks good three games in a row, and Notre Dame always plays Michigan close. But as much as I despise having to admit it, this year’s Michigan team is something special. Now watch the suckers get upset by Northwestern again.

3. Every now and then, Penn State actually tries (NEBRASKA 18, PENN STATE 10). After playing entirely flat against Boston College and Temple, one would expect that Penn State wouldn’t put much effort into this one (especially along the offensive line). But for some freak reason, the Lions actually tried. Perhaps the outcome of this game has as much to do with Nebraska sucking as Penn State’s improving. Nevertheless, I was somewhat impressed with the Lions.

Too bad they don’t play Michigan this year. I could root for lightening or a tornado or something…

Hail to Heinz Field Security Getting Off the Student Section’s Ass… I Mean, It’s Only a Freakin’ Beach Ball, Fer Chrissakes