March 11, 2012

PITT Spring Practice Schedule

Filed under: Uncategorized — Reed @ 8:39 am

Here is Coach Chryst’s schedule:

March 14th – Finalize staff plans for the next month. Declare recruiting a disaster and decide not to do it any longer this year. Ask staff to reaffirm commitment to PITT in writing. Ask Joe Rudolph how he developed a sudden wrist injury and can’t sign.

March 15th – Spring practice opens. Watch QB drills where Sunseri amazingly completes his first five deep balls thus cementing his starting job for a third straight year.  Make public announcement to that effect.   Ask the Athletic Director why the PITT ticket office is suddenly flooded with season ticket cancellations.

March 16th – Hold first official team meeting. Ask anyone who wants to transfer to declare it now.   Go looking for Trey Anderson as he had to leave the team meeting to go to the men’s room and hasn’t been seen since.  Review the program’s Rules and Standards of PITT Football.  Scream at the secretary who forgot to search and replace “Chryst” for “Graham” in the document.  Discuss Chryst Amendment #1 which states that any PITT football player(s) who break into a student’s dorm party and beat the crap out of numerous students are required to clean Heinz Field after the next game.

March 21st – Readjust two-deep lineup. Demote Sunseri because he keeps running out of bounds as soon as he gets the snap. Elevate Myers to 1st string on the condition Myers can find his playbook – which is propping up a broken bed leg in his dorm room. Ask Ray Graham if he’s 100% sure he can’t participate in practices; infer he’s a pussy when Graham starts waving his crutch around while saying “I can’t even walk, cracker!”

April 1st – Meet with big ticket donors for a “Spring Practice Luncheon”.  Make Corky Cost pay the full bill at Buster and Dave’s when lunch is over.  Cancel practice when Chryst has a serious heart attack after Rudolph informs him he’s leaving to be the OC at Temple because he “wants to stay in the Big East”.  Start CPR before Rudolph has a chance to yell “April Fools !!!!!!”

April 7th – Analyze and readjust team roster and positional assignments.   Due to heavy transfer activity measure Trey Anderson’s height for the tenth time and ask again if he’s ready to be the starter.  Xerox and post on campus 100 copies of a flyer requesting that any students who wish to play defensive line for PITT show up at the Southside facilities with shorts, tennis shoes, a jockstrap and their Student Health Insurance Card.

April 14th – Conduct the 2012 “Spring Game” scrimmage.  Format will be by Flag Football rules.  No touching at all of the RBs, QB (the only one left), and the 18 defensive players remaining on the roster. Ray Graham will be up in the broadcast booth to do color commentary with Pat Bostick Jr and guest announcer Dave Wannstedt, who will provide his unique running criticism of the program and of any Head Coach hired after Dec 7, 2011.

April 15th – Pay taxes as a Wisconsin resident. Start revising resume’ and make numerous drunk dialing calls to all the old football chums asking if their staffs are completely filled. Ask Huxtable to take all the handguns out of the Chryst home and hide them somewhere until March of 2013.


Very funny. Great post.

Comment by Pk 03.11.12 @ 8:52 am

Funny, Reed. Good job!

Comment by steve1 03.11.12 @ 9:09 am

I think cleaning Heinz Field after a game is punishment befitting of the crime. It should be easy to clean up after the 50 of us there.

Did you see the article in the P-G where Chryst’s wife said she can’t find good cheese in Pittsburgh? She was interviewed while decorating their house with blue and gold Easter eggs.

Comment by Yeti 03.11.12 @ 9:32 am

Have I missed some important news over the last few weeks concerning the state of Pitt football or did Reed just misplace his Prozac Rx recently?

Comment by Dr. Tom 03.11.12 @ 10:01 am

Dr tom. I think he was mocking all of the irrational fears/opinions that have been posted on here.

Comment by Pk 03.11.12 @ 10:35 am

No important news and I’m actually pretty optimistic about the state of the program.

More like collecting the “sum of all our fears” and expressing them in a way even the more critical PITT fan may smile about.

I heard Chryst’s wife was upset about the poor state of Muskie fishing in WPA.

Comment by Reed 03.11.12 @ 10:37 am

Glad to see Reed has loosened his tie. After all we’re all under the influence of that spell we call Pittdom.

Turning to hoops…clearly under that spell this year…NIT bracketology has us as a 7th seed and playing 1st round against Oral Roberts:

link to

Comment by steve1 03.11.12 @ 10:43 am

Thanks Pk, needed that clarification since I’ve been away from Pitt football happenings for a time during the lull before spring practice begins.

Since we’re parodying irrational fears let me add my own,

“Paul Chryst, after realizing that Tino Sunseri gives the team the best chance to win, begins the first draft of his end of season press release explaining why, even with a home schedule loaded with more cream puffs than an Italian bakery that he still could only manage a .500 win record. I know that its sad, but considering where Pitt football is right now, Temple actually scares me.

Comment by Dr. Tom 03.11.12 @ 12:28 pm

Pitt finishes dead last in the Big Least, getting beat by “newcomer”, Temple in the last game of the season. Chryst blames Pederson, Pederson blames Dave Wannedst, fans blame the Big Least and start chanting “ACC! ACC!” Any time they hear Cincy chant “BCS! BCS!”

Seriously, for all the chicken littles out there, I think this is the year. The final goodbye. The nail in the coffin. I think this is the year God, or Satan, willing that Pitt or Cuse wins the Big East outright.

Mock if you want, laugh because you will, but I truly honestly think we have the coach that can make it happen.

Comment by Lou Gagliardi 03.11.12 @ 12:35 pm

Spring hope’s eternal

Comment by wbb 03.11.12 @ 12:39 pm

Don’t you mean “Eternal Hope Springs”? LOL

Comment by Dr. Tom 03.11.12 @ 12:45 pm

Seriously though Lou, I’m with you. I’ve been waiting for 35 years but I know Pitt Football can get back to their glory days. Wouldn’t it be a great coincidence if a major player in that next revival was a running back coming out of Hopewell High School once again? (my alma mater BTW)

First time I experienced such a monumental 4 year turn around in Pitt football, it was just a magical transformation. I would love to see that again before before I’m dead and gone, why not now. Hope DOES spring eternal.

Comment by Dr. Tom 03.11.12 @ 12:56 pm

Tom – I think we’ll be OK. Of course we’ll know more in five weeks and even more in the fall after summer camp about starters but I think our offense will rebound without Graham’s pressure systems in place.

That offense was just too confusing for the QB and OL.

We have talent on this PITT team and I think that will enable us to have a winning season at least.

Comment by Reed 03.11.12 @ 2:41 pm

prozac i all most thought i needed some after reading that.
Ithought i missed something and my mind was a
mess till i caught on dont do that agein.
you had me going for a short time.
i was looking for the ledge to jump from.
now i have to have a drink to mellow out were is my JD.

Comment by FRANKCAN 03.11.12 @ 3:00 pm

Hail to Pitt

Comment by 63Team 03.11.12 @ 3:11 pm

Good luck with all that!!! Keep me posted.

I’m heading to Tempe for a few weeks.

Suppose to have a hell of a team this year.

Going after the PAC 12 championship this year, using that as a build up to going after the Nat. Champ. next year!!!

They’re talking about winning, commitment and loyalty out there, that’s what I’m all about!!!

I think I got some maroon around here. Swap the blue out of the blue and khaki outfit, put in the maroon. Good to go.

Comment by Dan 03.11.12 @ 3:21 pm

Sounds about right… Just remember to add another losing season and it’s perfect !

Comment by Marco 03.11.12 @ 4:03 pm


Did you just channel Fraud Graham there?

Comment by Lou Gagliardi 03.11.12 @ 4:22 pm

I agree with those who think so highly of chryst. People want to criticize this and that, but from the way ive seen him conduct himself and hearing opinions of his former players, i know this for sure: the players will love him, they will play hard for him, and most importantly, they will improve with his teaching.

Comment by Pk 03.11.12 @ 5:36 pm

How is it the Hoopies get to play as a 10 seed at Consol against Gonzaga? Unfair for Gonzaga!

Comment by KeyboardKev 03.11.12 @ 6:34 pm

Off topic BUT:

I will offer a king’s ransom to the man who can produce a picture (or better yet VIDEO) of the (I believe it was) 2005 selection party where one of the Pitt players (I think it was Chevy Troutman) was wearing a “Booty Call” T-shirt.

Comment by Jimbo Covert's My Dad 03.11.12 @ 7:25 pm

That really sucks. I definitely think we should have been in instead of some of those other teams.

Comment by Pitt Rob 03.11.12 @ 8:13 pm

Yes!! Bball is officially over!

Comment by Tony C 03.11.12 @ 8:14 pm

Dissed by NIT. Season’s over.

Comment by steve1 03.11.12 @ 8:15 pm

Come on CBI!!!!!!!

Comment by Matt_Miklasevich 03.11.12 @ 8:29 pm

We accepted a CBI bid!!!!

Comment by Tony C 03.11.12 @ 9:12 pm

Same on you Reed! As long sufferering fans, we need as much positive stuff, as is humanly possible to provide. Yeah, we all probably knew. that this wasn’t going to be a banner recruiting year. Schools who make two bad hires, in two years, rarely have them. None the less this year’s recruiting class has some real quality athletes in it. Spring football is just around the corner and we’ve not lost a game yet with the new staff. Optimism springs eternal. I think we just may have a gotten a good guy this time around.

Comment by Justinian 03.11.12 @ 9:25 pm

Pitt/Wofford. Wow.

Comment by Mailman 03.11.12 @ 9:30 pm

Post season?
(C)an’t (B)elieve (I)t….

Comment by ECH 03.11.12 @ 9:48 pm

Actually just heard on the radio, the CBI is a pay to play tournament.

I really don’t care about it, but, if you are paying to get into a tournament (not questioning that or the money, 60k, I believe, lots of teams do it, it’s been a known tournament for a few years), my question will be……………….

If you’re paying to get some extra games…right….why on earth would Ashton Gibbs or Nasir Robinson ever take the floor?????

Winning the tournament does absolutely nothing for you. Playing some extra games to get the underclassmen some more practice time and game experience, ok, I’ll buy that, then those two should never see the court, right??

Comment by Dan 03.11.12 @ 9:58 pm

Anything to boost team morale. Which doesn’t involve benching seniors

Comment by Tony C 03.11.12 @ 11:19 pm

Amidst the despair over the CBI tournament, my call to Blather patrons to find a pic or video of Chevy Troutman in the “booty call” t shirt on the selection show still stands!

Comment by Jimbo Covert's my dad 03.11.12 @ 11:47 pm

Get a grip, the ink hasn’t dried from Chryst’s contract signing and you are already predicting doom. Show a little patience, this isn’t Alabama where 3 losses gets you a “House for Sale” planted in your yard of the head coach. Everyone idolized Paterno (prescandal days)as the blueprint for a program, yet 40+ years at the helm he only had 2 national championships and a ton of NFL failures. Step back and examine during Paterno’s tenure and the Pitt program who really turned out the quality players. I’ll take the Pitt alumni in a heartbeat.

Comment by RJM 03.12.12 @ 12:50 am

Justinian – you had to know that this post was all tongue in cheek, didn’t you? I figured that anyone who read it would understand that I was pretty much posting the opposite of what I think about Chryst and the program.

I like him as HC so far and think we’ll do well with him at the helm. 2012 may not be a great success, although I think we’ll have a winning season, but going forward I believe we’ll be pretty darn satisfied with him.

As far as recruiting goes I’m not worried about it at this point at all. I researched the last three years of recruiting, 11, 10 & 09 and in each instance we got one commit before May and each of those players were kids already in prep school.

PITT very rarely gets commits until May or June at the earliest. Look at this recruiting link, click on “Commit Date” and have fun. Look back as far as 2007 class, always only one or two kids before May and out of about 25 recruits per year you can see that is nothing.

There seems to be a sense of panic for no reason when in reality we do this same thing every year, so I thought I’d blow that out of proportion.

The only kernel of semi-truth in that post is the thought that if Sunseri is named starter coming out of spring practices there will be PITT fans calling the ticket office.

Comment by Reed 03.12.12 @ 6:33 am

Way to support the new coach, Don Rickles Reed. No wonder Graham left town.

Comment by shadyforpresident 03.12.12 @ 8:16 am

CBI? When does it start? Can you bet on these games in Vegas?

Comment by Lou 03.12.12 @ 8:16 am

@Lou, yes, got the Oujia (sp) board out for Fraud!!

@Tony C. I got ya, I was somewhat tongue in cheek, but not totally. I hope Jamie mixes some things up, gives some heavy playing time to some guys anyhow. Maybe try some different traps, presses etc. etc. Use it to learn a little about your team, especially the young guys.

I mean, if you’re gonna play some more games, and do the exact same thing, c’mon, call it a season.

I’m as close to a Jamie apologist as anyone, just hoping they use it for next year in some capacity.

And as bad as they were at times, this year, Ashton and Nasir did have good Pitt careers, so benching them was my tongue in cheek.

Comment by Dan 03.12.12 @ 8:20 am

CBI? Are you kidding me. Please tell me this is the end to the 18 mth nightmare!!! Please tell me that spring football is the begining of something positive for PITT!!! Please tell me JD does not expect to gain valuable experience for his younger players==They jusy played 33 games. PITT I understand has to PAY to be in this tournament. Got your CBI Bracket completed??? OMG Hail to PITT

Comment by DC33 03.12.12 @ 8:22 am

Chas, or anyone, I see Chas used March 14th for his satire of spring ball, when does spring ball actually start.

March 14th as in Chas post, or this Saturday I thought.

Don’t have time to search for it.

Notice Chas, don’t have time to search, but made time to post on your site!!! LOL

Have a good morning fellas, and any ladies who may read. I remember one girl used to post, Olivia I think her name was???

Comment by Dan 03.12.12 @ 8:24 am

according to The Fan … the entrants fee for the CBI is $60,000.

Also, Duquesne, which played in the CBI last year, informed the CBI a few days ago that they would not be interested in participating this year. It should be noted that (A) the Palumbo Center is already scheduled for state playoff games on Tuesday and Wednesday Iprobably draw bigger crowds), and (B) they are hosting the 1st round of the NCAA at the Consol Center beginning Thursday

Comment by wbb 03.12.12 @ 8:54 am

to be POLITICALLY correct .. Duquesne is hosting the 2nd and 3rd round of the NCAA

Comment by wbb 03.12.12 @ 8:57 am

So much upside in competing in the CBI – not the least the open mocking for competing in the CBI and the potential of a Butler match up where we can relive that a thousand more times.

Comment by PittDan 03.12.12 @ 9:51 am

CBI: Pitt should save their $$ and mothball their basketball uniforms till next fall. Unless JD plays his player’s coming back next season, Pitt is wasting their $$.

Given that the NCAA Tournament’s early rounds are played in Pittsburgh, I feel that Pitt lost a golden opportunity, that our nemesis to the south is playing instead of Pitt. Ouch!

Comment by MariettaMike 03.12.12 @ 10:09 am

What a slap in the face, the CBI tournament. You got to be kidding. Even Duquesne turned them down. You would think with the reputation over the last 10 years that the NIT would be calling. Let alone WVU to play as a 10 seed in Pittsburgh.

Who wants to see Gibbs and Naz play another 35+ minutes.

Comment by JP 03.12.12 @ 10:51 am

For diehard fb fans go to football scoop and click on the site for the conditioning coach for Ohio State talking about his system. (he is from Pgh)

Comment by letterman 03.12.12 @ 11:22 am

Dan – the dates above are correct. March 15th spring practice opens and the Spring Game is on April 14th.

Practices will be four days a week and closed to the public.

Guys – I’m kind of shocked at how many people took this post seriously. Just shows how on edge all us PITT fans are about the future I think.

Comment by Reed 03.12.12 @ 3:54 pm

CBI – We win a couple, we may get to play Butler !!

Comment by CompLit 03.12.12 @ 5:17 pm

Reed-you are the Mark Twain of bloggers.

Comment by OHowIHateOhioState 03.13.12 @ 8:40 pm

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